I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
