I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
