he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I came so hard my ears popped.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
