I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's always time for handjobs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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