so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
