these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
