Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
