you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
