We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
