She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
