We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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