Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize