I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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