my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
