He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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