there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
