Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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