So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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