She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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