Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
