oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
