Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You smell like stripper and shame
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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