WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Congratulations! We have a period
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