I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
