eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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