The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
