just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
