hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
