She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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