Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
