ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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