If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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