It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
