i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
