She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
