This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
