i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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