Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
