you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
