I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
