I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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