ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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