I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
