The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
