Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
