Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
