with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
