dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
