Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize