Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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