OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
