Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
