this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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