Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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