I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
