5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you had me at cake vodka
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
