just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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