His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
