Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
