Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
