I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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