I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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