Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
