so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize