and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
