That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
